Thursday 16 January 2020

Fanny Candles


Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow has released a new product as part of her ‘Goop’ merchandise range. For a modest US$75 you can buy a candle that smells like her twat. Here, is the marketing blurb that accompanies this rather salubrious and fiery combustible (is there any other type?): funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected. A mix of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with damask rose and ambrette seed.  I have to say it has been my life’s ambition to find a woman with a ‘nether bit’ that smells of damask rose and ambrette seed.  In my modest experience, most women do not have a fanny exuding citrusy bergamot notes. In general, exuding is never a good thing and in fairness, I would settle for a woman with a twat smelling of Canesten. Although not a gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected scent, at least it has the ‘air’ of practicality about it. There is nothing sexy about having an itchy cock.  


    

14 comments:

  1. Is she on to something, or just completely crackers as most think?
    Bearnaise sauce might be a better option (in my limited experience).

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    Replies
    1. She's crackers in the savvy business woman way: the product has sold out.

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  2. Reminded of very old saw.
    Only two things smell like fish.
    And one is fish.

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    Replies
    1. Don't think the concept would work with: smelling like an 'off' fishcake.

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  3. Plus.
    Nun #1 After lights have failed. "Where's the candle?"
    Nun #2 - (breathless) "Yes, doesn't it."

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  4. Sadly Mr S the story is true.

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  5. Well as a proud owner of one of these (the thing it’s likened to, not the candle itself) I can vouch for the fact that if it smells like all these flowery things then that just indicates an excessive over-use of those “intimate deodorant” thingies they used to sell (maybe still do?) And an over-use of those can lead to some terrible ants-in-your-pants irritation, believe me! So if she’s filled a candle full of those nasty irritants, which make yer girly bits and pieces feel like you’re sitting, sans-underwear, in a nettle patch, just think what they’ll do when they get up your nose! Ouch!

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    Replies
    1. The smell of fanny should be kept strictly to the bedroom.

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  6. Surely that slight essence of Harvey should be present in the mix?

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  7. If nothing else, it proves that the English are still world-beaters in producing those who might be described kindly as eccentrics. "Mad dogs and Englishmen" and all that...

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    Replies
    1. I wish I was rich enough to be called eccentric.

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  8. Or, you could save a lot of money by doing this:


    https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcTwY78sY22CG-VSUjtxSiYE5ZBOUMWy6qNtZj5OEW8AIHaQ37GF

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