Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow has released a new product as part of her ‘Goop’ merchandise range. For a modest US$75 you can buy a candle that smells like her twat. Here, is the marketing blurb that accompanies this rather salubrious and fiery combustible (is there any other type?): funny, gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected. A mix of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with damask rose and ambrette seed. I have to say it has been my life’s ambition to find a woman with a ‘nether bit’ that smells of damask rose and ambrette seed. In my modest experience, most women do not have a fanny exuding citrusy bergamot notes. In general, exuding is never a good thing and in fairness, I would settle for a woman with a twat smelling of Canesten. Although not a gorgeous, sexy and beautifully unexpected scent, at least it has the ‘air’ of practicality about it. There is nothing sexy about having an itchy cock.
Is she on to something, or just completely crackers as most think?
ReplyDeleteBearnaise sauce might be a better option (in my limited experience).
She's crackers in the savvy business woman way: the product has sold out.
DeleteReminded of very old saw.
ReplyDeleteOnly two things smell like fish.
And one is fish.
Don't think the concept would work with: smelling like an 'off' fishcake.
DeletePlus.
ReplyDeleteNun #1 After lights have failed. "Where's the candle?"
Nun #2 - (breathless) "Yes, doesn't it."
True or spoof?
ReplyDeleteSadly Mr S the story is true.
ReplyDeleteWell as a proud owner of one of these (the thing it’s likened to, not the candle itself) I can vouch for the fact that if it smells like all these flowery things then that just indicates an excessive over-use of those “intimate deodorant” thingies they used to sell (maybe still do?) And an over-use of those can lead to some terrible ants-in-your-pants irritation, believe me! So if she’s filled a candle full of those nasty irritants, which make yer girly bits and pieces feel like you’re sitting, sans-underwear, in a nettle patch, just think what they’ll do when they get up your nose! Ouch!
ReplyDeleteThe smell of fanny should be kept strictly to the bedroom.
DeleteSurely that slight essence of Harvey should be present in the mix?
ReplyDeleteDat made me laf.
DeleteIf nothing else, it proves that the English are still world-beaters in producing those who might be described kindly as eccentrics. "Mad dogs and Englishmen" and all that...
ReplyDeleteI wish I was rich enough to be called eccentric.
DeleteOr, you could save a lot of money by doing this:
ReplyDeletehttps://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcTwY78sY22CG-VSUjtxSiYE5ZBOUMWy6qNtZj5OEW8AIHaQ37GF