Sunday 24 February 2019

Spellification Errors

ARSE

Whilst writing my previous article on the structure of the Roman Republic I became aware of the sorry state of my spelling ability. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent fellow and I’m certainly highly educated, but for all that expensive/expansive education I still can’t spell. This was drummed home after reviewing my post the other day and noting the profusion of words underlined in red by the ‘spell chucker’. My usual method of writing is to set forth words on the computer in a frenetic burst of energy without initial editing. I then set the work down and after an interval, return to undertake the hard task of revision. Several of my spelling errors appeared unknown to the omniscient spell checker. thus requiring extra research.

My lack of spelling ability has always been with me and caused quite a few problems at school. During the 1960s a great deal of emphasis was placed on the ability to spell and most of my written work was judged harshly by my teachers. My work was bestrewn with red ink, exclamations and the dreaded, ‘SEE ME’. My grades were poor and according to the ‘merit board’ proudly displayed on the class wall I was rated 29th out of 30 pupils. The poor kid rated last suffered frank mental deficit and would have been better served by being located in a school dedicated to the intellectually challenged. He laboured under epithets, ‘spakker’ or ‘mong’. Wonderfully pejorative exclamations and I’m sure my astute readers can work out their provenance. I managed to escape such ridicule and censure due to my pugnacious nature. I have always wondered what happened to Eric (for it is he) although I can hazard a good guess as to how his life story unfolded.    
I have long been at peace with my inability to spell and have accepted this deficit as part of my many idiosyncrasies, foibles and quirks. So, what follows has a personal element of the ‘bittersweet’ and ‘for the grace of God go I’, but only just. Anyone can make a spelling mistake when writing. However, the spell checker ensures that the error does not persist after judicious editing. The following errors are really unforgivable.   

 

I'm a guessing that this represents a Monday morning or Friday afternoon effort. Or are we dealing with a total fuckwit considering the example of the template available to the right? Be aware, keep vigilant and stop being a twat! 


Interesting enough, the old English word for bird was 'bridd'. This is the sort of item that might be worth something in the future, or not whatever the case may be.


Mayhap they are referring to the buggers- A Big Cac, anyone?


Not really a spelling issue but worthy of inclusion anyway. Caveat emptor. I aspire to write like a graduate college. Maybe one day.


A problem of homonymisation (not a real word). I'm inclined to give the harassed 'teleprompter' a break in this instance.  
  

An ancient existential question, but best not pondered whilst at the parking barrier. Of course, this represents a classic oxymoron as a prerequisite for paying the parking fee is that you necessarily exist. Otherwise, there would be no parking in the first place and no fee would be applicable. Simple informal logic, innit?


Deep fried dognuts, yum. This outlet is conveniently situated next to the vets.



There are two warning signs here: 1. the spelling mistake. 2. A well designed 'printed' sign might add professional plausibility to the company. I predict bankruptcy. 


College is not what it used to be. Mayhap the signwriter suffers from a stutter?

                   
No wonder college education has slipped if schools prepare pupils thusly.

Tis enough for now folks. I've a vague inkling I should be writing posts on more cerebral matters in tune with my vast intellect. 

Sensible writing will resume shortly after the new meds kick in. Moist Bum Crust.

4 comments:

  1. I understand that no two of Shakespeare's extant signatures spell his name the same way.

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    1. Well Mr S,I never new that. Mayhap the great man couldn't spellicate?

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  2. My little sister was taught to read & write in the 1960's using a phonetic alphabet (ITA - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Initial_Teaching_Alphabet). Although she mastered this, the transition to 'proper' English proved a tad troublesome, and her spelling has been grim since then. No-one who indulges in educationalists' trendy fads ever seems to give any thought to the long-term effects of such experiments. Unfortunately she still thinks phonetically and so has a habit of writing "should of" instead of "should have" etc. As I will confess to being pedantic over English grammar, spelling, and punctuation, this often means I will return her missives duly corrected, thus giving her an opportunity to demonstrate her in-depth knowledge of basic Anglo-Saxon.

    My pedantry stems from many years spent in IT technical sales/sales support, when it was absolutely essential that any written communications twixt me and clients/users were totally clear, comprehensive and specific. I have seen the unpleasantness which can occur when contracts and/or communications were either unclear or open to (mis)interpretation.

    Having started as a systems programmer back in the days of wood-burning steam-powered computers, I am well aware that input into a computer needs to be precise and exact: if I had a pound for every DFU who has said to me; "Computers are supposed to be smart; why can't it work out what I mean?" I'd be considerably richer than I am.

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    1. I seem to remember the trendy 'phonetic wave' of the 60s. Luckily it never made it to darkest Tipton.

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