Women, beware of men bearing lists!

Tis a hard road to find the perfect woman

Let’s be honest finding a suitable mate is not an easy proposition in any age or culture unless you happen to belong to a culture where the parents pick the partners. Although the process can remove much of the stress involved in finding and courting a mate it is likely that you will end up marrying your first cousin. From a biological perspective this is not a wonderous proposition and if continued with gusto over generations there is a likelihood that the offspring will start regressing along the evolutionary ‘Tree of Life’.  If you want children with more than the biological requirements of toes, then this may be the right decision. Makes it easier at mealtimes. Just hang them upside down in the nearest convenient tree and pass the bananas. On the downside, the single eye in the centre of the forehead does not make for perfect binocular vision- might drop the bananas.

When I was a lad, courtship was an extremely fraught affair. It meant dressing up in bell bottom jeans and cheesecloth shirts and hitting the local disco after forcing down half a bottle of Sherry. Now, this was a time during the early 70s when the music genre of ‘Glam Rock’ was rampant. Tis a most forgettable era for music. Adherents used to wear their hair long and plaster their faces in garish coloured makeup, and this was just the men. Imagine the disco scene: Laser and strobe lights snaking out in a darkened smoky atmosphere. Loud throbbing 70s music and sweaty gyrating teenagers. My opening move was to solicit a suitable female for a dance. Getting the gender correct was the first hurdle to negotiate, for reasons already mentioned. Certainty could only be achieved by a strategic grope, but this, prior to a formal introduction was never a good idea. Mistakes were made.   

Most seem to negotiate this particular/peculiar time of life and end up with a partner to whom a degree of compatibility is possible, even if it be, just a short time. 

Recently, a blog post went viral. It contained advice to good Christian men concerning the qualities and criteria required in a potential wife. It was entitled: ‘Men prefer debt free virgins without tattoos’ and you can access it here. As I recall here are the main exhortations in no particular order. As is my wont, I have added my own incomparable commentary. Their shit in Itallics, my shit, not.

‘Girls, don’t go to college as you will be left/bereft with a legacy of debt and hence men will be reluctant to take you on with the inherited financial liability’. What the author is really concerned about relates to the observation that educated women tend to be independent, opinionated and not willing to be subservient to the will of men. Also, a college education encourages intellectual questioning and rigour and these attributes do not sit well with the unquestioning obedience to Christian dogma. Here is a direct quote from the article: “The husband will need to take years teaching his wife the correct way to act, think, and live since college taught them every possible way that is wrong.”

‘They miss the experience to cook large meals as college does not foster the skill of cooking’.  In other words, the ‘little woman’ should forget about a career and stay at home slaving in the kitchen for her husband. 

Predictably, the prospective bride should be unsullied from the touch of man. Fundamental Christians generally insist on and emphasise the quality of virginity, in both partners. Good luck with that, say I.

The last exhortation concerns body adornment. Now tattoos come in many shades. Having bitter and mild festooned across a women’s breast suggests a low born chick. A small Swallow on a well-turned ankle, not so much. In Tipton, a girl was considered posh if her self inflicted Indian ink tattoos were spelt correctly. Tattoos, like decoration itself, is a matter of taste. But taste, like many things, is not available to all.   

Here are few observations from the Flaxen Haired One: You really need to read the post in its entirety to bask in its insanity. It reads like a 1950s manual for Middle America. Times have certainly changed, for ill or for the better, I’ll leave my gentle readers to judge. To deny modern influences is an unrealistic appreciation of reality. Stay entrenched in the past at your peril and future happiness.

There is a strain/stain throughout the article insinuating that women are intellectually and morally inferior to men. Women need the guidance and teaching that can only be obtained from a man. Shit, men who adhere to the above principles are destined for a sad lonely, frustrated life/wife. The women they seek are as rare as rocking horse droppings. And what happened to that crazy little thing called ‘love’. Romance need not apply. 

                                             Take it away you great, raving, pooftah.