Tuesday, 1 May 2018

Fat Twat




Shock breaking news from the principality of South Tipton as it revels in the moist glistening folds of the Black Country peninsular. For today, it can be revealed that the esteemed leader of the North Tipton Democratic Republic (NTDR), Dim Sum, has crossed the ‘pantyhose line’ to enter into negotiations with South Tipton’s leader, Enoch Vowel II.

This is indeed a historic occasion and heralds rapprochement between the two states for the first time in 60 years following the great pig's pud and ferret wobbling disaster of June 25th, 1950. That date, which will live in infamy, signalled the breakdown in diplomatic relations between these two kindred nations. Pig’s pud was hurled and Shagger the ferret suffered from a particularly severe wobbling. Needless to say, relations have remained strained ever since. Indeed, Kim Do Pong threatened to unleash his latest terror weapon, ‘The peace Rocket’, but luckily for South Tipton, a random whippet pissed on the box of matches.

Dim Sum will visit the local orphanage and deposit thousands of NTDR children as a goodwill gesture and afterward find homes in the NTDR for thousands of stray dogs denuded from South Tipton’s kennels as a humanitarian gesture.

Mrs Enid Mugumbo, of no fixed dentures, had this to say about this momentous event: ''Ooh what a lovely man to cement harmonious accord between our great nations. Although I didn’t expect him to be so short, fat, ugly and sporting a particularly shite haircut. Has anyone seen my poodle'', Noodles?''

Wise words indeed, Mrs Mugumbo.
   
Ramen Poodles

5 comments:

  1. Brilliant. Spilt my tea all over the keyboard.

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  2. Flaxen Sack's Son3 May 2018 at 08:58

    Arse

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    Replies
    1. Thankyou son for your insightful comment.

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  3. I admired the path followed by the previous fatty, Kim Jong Ill

    who progressed to Kim Jong Very Ill

    and then to Kim Jong Dead

    Good plan!

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    Replies
    1. Apparently the glorious leader is not a well man-too fond of his fags, whisky and Swiss cheese. Shagger will not rue his passing as he hasn't fully recovered from the wobbling.

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