Murder

Never More (wrong species)

I've written about ravens before, but never crows. In a previous post, I wrote about a humorous interaction between Octavian (later Augustus) and trained ravens. Check it out here. Post: Edit

Today's post is dedicated to the ravens' cousin, the crows, to redress the balance and preserve the Earth from impending Doom.

Crows are part of the Corvidae family and belong to the Corvus genus, which also encompasses rooks and ravens. Corvids are survival specialists encompassing over 120 species. The common crow is ubiquitously found everywhere (double positive). Folks oft confuse crows with ravens because of their similar physiognomy. However, these species can be distinguished based on size and feather configuration. Ravens are larger and are endowed with a pronounced feathered ruff/scruff. Ravens have a peculiar gait due to their oversized wings spanning 56 inches. In contrast, crows are embued with a modest wingspan, averaging 35 inches in extent.

Today, I will focus on crows and eschew any discussion concerning their equally fascinating cousins, ravens. Crows are very smart. Scientists who bother to put forth effort consider crows as smart as a 7-year-old child, and there is evidence that their smarts exceed that of the pongids. Not only can they fashion simple tools to obtain food, but they can also contemplate complex concepts and solve subtle problems. They have been known to place nuts in front of cars and then return to partake of the tasty kernel within the now-shattered shell. Why are they so smart and adaptable? It comes down to brain mass. They have the highest brain-to-body ratio of any bird. Owning a crow is illegal in the US, as they can be trained for nefarious purposes. Prison inmates have been known to foster crows and exploit these clever birds. Perhaps 'exploit' is too strong a word, as the crows are richly rewarded with tasty morsels. Crows have been trained to ferry in contraband such as drugs and are compensated with a delicious treat- at least crows like prison food..  

As implied in the previous paragraph, it is possible to foster a relationship with crows. Patience is a must, as crows are naturally wary of humans. Forebearance and perseverance are qualities that will pay dividends with time. Keep to a time regimen. Place unsalted peanuts, with or without shells, on the ground within sight of your chosen murder. Your soon-to-be friends will swoop down for a tasty treat, but don't get too close initially—fostering trust at this early stage is essential. Don't try to force an initial interaction. Return daily at the same time.  The crows will venture closer as time passes. The feeding should be accompanied by a whistle or a natural vocalisation. Crows will soon learn to recognise their new found friend and can even discriminate between individuals.  After many months of constant feeding, individual crows may come close and even feed from your hand. Beware, crows can harbour a grudge; if you impinge negatively on their sensibilities, expect the crows to gang up on you. A single crow that has experienced harm will communicate its ill will to others. Prepare for mob warfare. However, if you treat crows with respect and tolerance, you may receive small, often shiny, items the crow has harvested from other humans. You will truly be favoured if they deliver carrion. You have now made a friend for life, don't be put off by the smell.    

Crows, like the order of psittacines (say that after six pints of best bitter), can mimic human speech. They have a complex range of vocalisations for communication with other members of the murder; perhaps they are plotting assassinations. If only crows could tell. They share this ability with other members of the family, Corvidae. They can convey a series of complex messages and emotions using the avian speech organ, the syrinx.   

Many cultures, ancient and modern, associate crows with sinister intent. Crows are associated with dark omens, messengers between the world of the living and the dead. Crows are tricksters of the avian world and thieves of man's trinkets and baubles. There is a reason that the collective noun for crows is a 'Murder'. Crows are opportunistic omnivores and will eat what is available with gleeful gusto. They were known to follow armies with maleficent intent. The aftermath of a battle provided a bounteous feast of sumptuous carrion. The eyeballs of the fallen were devoured with particular relish. A hellish repast of bountiful proportions/portions. Unsurprisingly, this imposing, slick, black and intelligent bird is linked with a host of doleful symbolism. Their deep black eyes denote intelligence, their gaze is knowing, and the cock of their head understanding. No wonder in some cultures they are connected with wisdom. In Norse mythology, Odin sacrificed an eye for the rare quality of wisdom. A quality not earned in the classroom or bestowed with diplomas. Wisdom comes hard with years of hard living. A quiet quality not to be bestowed on all. Odin is accompanied by two crows (or sometimes ravens), Huginn and Muninn. They perch on Odin's shoulders in the morning before flying orwf to scout the world. They return, whispering to Odin about the lay of the land and the intent of man, dead or alive. 'Nuff about birds, Flaxen

BBQ

Several months ago, I attended a BBQ- yes, we occasionally have clement weather in the Wairarapa in late Autumn. I talked to a High School teacher about career prospects for her students. During the conversation, she asked what advice I would give to her students concerning education and career paths they may be contemplating. Presumably, she considered the grey hairs amongst the blond as a sign of accumulated wisdom. The problem with this presumption can be summed up by an old adage: 'There is no fool like an old fool'. Anyway, even though the question belongs to the devil himself, I decided to rise to the challenge and was promptly arrested- this last bit didn't happen. So here goes Flaxen's perceived wisdom after nearly 70 years as a sentient being (Not a ferret).

First, it is impossible to compare the current 'life' situation with when I was eighteen, 51 years ago. The world has undoubtedly changed beyond comparison, socially, economically, technologically, geopolitically and industrially, and these changes have radically impacted the job market, and not necessarily to the good.

At 16, I was about to graduate from High School (Stew Pony Secondary Modern). At that time, the British educational system was split into two categories: Secondary Modern and Grammar schools. Grammar schools were designed for pupils considering university training, while secondary modern schools focused on less academic careers. Regardless, most students in my class contemplated entering the trades, such as electricians, plumbers, builders, etc. And of those who applied, the vast majority managed to enter into an apprenticeship of their choice. One of my friends applied for a diesel mechanics apprenticeship while another became a draughtsman. Two other, older friends of mine job-hopped with ease. Admittedly, the jobs were basic, unskilled manual factory work. They obtained three jobs in one week and finally settled for Monk's pie factory, Brumagen. The point is that jobs and training programmes were plentiful. In addition, those exiting Grammar School education at 18 with A levels were qualified to enter the 'Hallowed Halls of Education', commonly known as universities. There, they could seek more cerebral pursuits and study toward a degree. At the time, about 5% of the UK population went forth to higher education. Contrast that with today's statistics, where 36.4% (2024 UK data) of pupils seek a university education. Universities are no longer venerable and venerated institutions of higher learning. Universities are thriving businesses touting degree courses to clueless students, knowing full well that the job prospects for vast swaths of students are grim. No matter how many students are engaged in useless degrees, the more that do, the more money the university makes. So, they produce glossy brochures exhorting the career prospects for students graduating with a Gender Studies degree. The secret: Any degree containing the word 'studies' is a scam. Also, the glossier the brochure, the worse the prospects for a job, unless you really want that McDonald's position; students, take note.         

So what advice can I offer those fresh-faced and earnest 18-year-olds contemplating critical life choices? First, a fundamental truth needs to be stated boldly. University is not the giggle it once was. There is no 'free' ride as experienced by the 'Golden One'. Loans are required for expensive tuition and living expenses, and interestingly, fees have increased exponentially since the 70s- funny that. A degree circa 1970s was a passport to the professions, even those deemed useless today. Employers considered it a stamp on your academic respectability. Of course, entry and success in the best, as in high-paying, vocational professions have always been ring-fenced. Anecdote time: Entry into medical school in the UK has always been difficult and required the highest exam results. In the 70s, I worked as a trainee in a biochemistry laboratory. One day, I became involved in a casual conversation with a colleague. The individual had recently graduated from high school and was working in the lab for a year before attending medical school. Generally, three A levels at grade A are required to gain admission to med school in the UK. As the conversation developed, my erstwhile colleague let it be known that he had gained three A levels with the commonplace grade of three Cs. Usually, the bearer of such results would be ineligible for entry, especially in the prestigious Birmingham University Medical School. He eventually proffered the information that his father was Head of the Medical School- the scales fell from my eyes. The story underlies a vital life lesson: Life is easier with connections, and specific, usually high-paying professions have a tendency to be inherited.

Let's drive the point in further and take a look at the uncontroversial figure of Hunter Biden. He passed the Bar in 1996 after a stint at Yale. He subsequently entered the gravy train and held multiple positions with varied financial returns, including consultancy, lobbyist, co-founder of various firms, and executive vice president. After being convicted of his second felony in 2024, Biden was facing potential gaol time of up to 25 years. But not to worry, his father, the president, conferred a full pardon on all his federal offences between 2014 and 2024. This benevolent presidential largesse even extends to possible offences, not yet known, committed during these ten years. Of course, Hunter is simply an incredibly gifted man, and all the 'fruits' endowed are a consequence of his intellectual brilliance and flawless moral standing. And then those of a cynical turn of mind could argue.... Those favoured few in this life, irrespective of innate gifts, are given a substantial 'leg up' in this crazy topsy-turvy thing we call life. Life is unfair, and never has it been and never will be. For most of us, there is no 'Golden Spoon'; we must rely on our own wits and steel to thrive in a capricious and uncaring world. Usually, the privilege exerted is not as blatant as exhibited in the 'Biden Affair'. In this instance, the facade crumbles, and we get a rare/raw glance of the shameless, unabashed exercise of power and grand nepotism run amok. 

The career opportunities for those currently seeking employment, degree-endowed or not, will be incredibly challenging. We are already witnessing a blood bath in the computer sciences. Computer-related programming and coding careers were previously viewed as lucrative career paths. The reality is that Google, Meta, Microsoft, Amazon, and others have been shedding tech jobs akimbo! The effect is the same whether due to AI or a downturn in the market. So, in all this carnage, I must return to the question first posed at the beginning of paragraph four. After all, up to this point I've just been spouting/sprouting word scree, commentary and scene setting. So, here goes: The answer can be stated in a few sentences: Be born in the West to a highly wealthy and influential family. That being the case, you should be okay. As for the rest and especially the poor, good luck, you will need it.

My integrator seemed mightily unimpressed by my answer and consigned me to the 'crazy old man category'. She stormed off to leave me alone with my delicious homemade burger with fried onions (sans ketchup).