Happy New Year

Tis been said that 2016 has been a good/bad year for celebrity deaths. No doubt it has been a bumper season for the 'Dead Pool' enthusiasts. Don't always nominate the very old buggers. Look at Kirk Douglas, he recently reached a 100. Although to be fair, he looks totally fucked. At the end, and in between, we should look at quality over quantity. Once pleasure of life dissipates, then death becomes a welcome relief. Into gentle oblivion, we go. Of course, the puritanical Western legal-medical paradigm considers suicide a crime. I'll not become mired in the 'Right to Die' debate today. A later post, perhaps?

I'm reminded of what is deemed a celeb these days. There appears to be a sliding scale from the Pitts to ex soap 'star's who eke out a living in panto (O, no they don't!) and 'Dancing with the Twats'. I suppose everyone has to make a living, somehow.

So, enjoy the New Year whatever it may bring.  

All is Sophistry.......

Carneades

The common view of ‘Sophistry’, is an argument for its own sake; an argument without regard to the truth (Quid est veritas?). The subject matter is of little consequence or value to the accomplished sophist. And a valid and convincing argument for a particular proposition should be able to be overturned with equal validity. This is an extreme standpoint, perhaps, that few sophists strictly adhere to. But truth is often elusive and dependant on perspective and stance.  

Sophistry was a system first introduced by the ancient Greeks and is today best demonstrated in the High Court by Advocates well versed in the technique. Western politicians were once polished adherents but this is rarely the case, these days. Winston Churchill’s rhetoric was at its most edifying and obscure when he gave full rein to the methodology.

To the ancient Greek mind, sophistry was allied to the philosophy of scepticism. Sophistry and scepticism are natural kinsfolk, on the distaff side, as true sceptic philosophers maintain that true knowledge is unobtainable . A truly ridiculous doctrine if taken to extreme, as denial of knowledge implies a knowledge of negation. Like many ridiculous doctrines (see solipsism) it shouldn’t be judged at face value but recognised as a severe scourge for higher mental effort.

Sophistry had negative connotations to the ancient Greeks and to us moderns also, although I suspect for different reasons. While it is true that the subtle arguments vented could be specious, they were often subtle and cleverly constructed; this is admirable regardless of the century you were born. There was a snobbery amongst the Greek intellectual elite typified by Plato and Aristotle. They thought that a philosopher should provide a free tutoring service to the noble and ignoble rich, alike. Sophists on the other hand were notorious for having the temerity for charging a fee for their work. Many became rich peddling their intellectual wares. Plato was a nobleman of means and enjoyed a living from his lands. He could afford high principles. Socrates was not a wealthy man and seemed to genuinely eschew wealth and provision for his family. I’m sure his wife and children would not have minded the rewards of the odd tuition fee. However, Socrates had rich friends and admirers who made sure that he did not starve in spite of his unconventional ways. But both men were humbugs, although Socrates to a lesser degree. All must have a means of support, even the hermit must come out of his shell and ask for alms, now and again. High principles can only exist in a rich society. A society which produces an excess of goods and food. All Greek thinkers extorted a fee from the working populace if only they were honest enough to recognise the fact. The otherworldliness of gifted savants is often a pale pretence. Deny them three meals and watch them sing for their supper.

Have I digressed?

The power of the rhetoric and the power of politics sailed together in ancient Greece. A versatile and clever speaker could charm his way into public life given powerful friends and a modicum of good luck. His skills would also act as an anodyne from ills foisted by powerful enemy lawsuits.

As an Anecdote

Carneades was a great exponent of the Sophist’s art and had learnt his trade well. An art it must be, as sophists of the pure kind have an altogether different intellectual temper to the scientist or true philosopher. We can express admiration for their work but must treat their conclusions, wherever they may take us, with contempt. Carneades was part of the Greek diplomatic mission sent to Rome in 156BC. Rome had prospered much from the two Punic wars with Carthage. With conquered lands came, Empire, fantastic wealth and transcendent power in the Mediterranean. While in Rome, and as a matter ingrained habit, Carneades meant to profit and launched a series of lectures for the edification of young and exclusively rich Roman, Noblemen. Like many nations, before and after, which have achieved rapid military success thrusting them into contact with people of a more advanced cultural progression, the Romans felt intellectually and developmentally inferior to the Greeks in everything except politics and war. Young Roman Noblemen were quick to ape Greek mannerisms and customs. 

As was Carneades custom, he first delivered a lecture on the notion of ‘Justice’ as espoused by Plato and Aristotle. The lecture was morally and spiritually uplifting. The young Romans were mightily impressed. Next day however, the wily Greek gave a lecture completely contradicting the edifying sentiments of the previous lecture; the Romans got the point. The first lecture appealed to high virtue, while the second promoted a realistic, prosaic view of this imperfect world. The prominent Roman of the day, Cato the Elder, who may not have been present at the lectures, was less impressed. Cato represented the old virtues of Rome; bucolic; obstinate; stupid and brutal. Cato would have nothing to do with sophistry even if he could have understood it. It smacked of un-manly and certainly un-Roman virtue of highly dubious, foreign provenance. Cato’s austerity was notorious as was his unwavering patriotic devotion to duty. He wanted a Rome unsullied by Greek guile and intellectual duplicity. Of course, Rome went on to cultivate all of the Greek vices without any of the equalising Greek virtues.

Rome's dalliance with sophistry and Greek intellectual innovations, in general, was superficial at best, with a few notable exceptions. In this regard I would place Cicero and the Emperor Marcus Aurelius as exceptions and neither could be considered as sophists. And both men, though clever, never contributed anything new to the pantheon of philosophy. Nuff said.

Cato: a true reflection of 'Old Rome'

Trebuchet

A picture paints a thousand sausages, or general words to this effect

Christmas presents are predictable. The usual round of aftershave, underwear and socks. I'm  a man who wants for nothing. Simple pleasures; simple man. I'm difficult to buy for; I understand this. Anyway, my son bought me a model, trebuchet. Definably the best present I've had in a handful of Christmases. For those not aware of medieval devices of destruction, let me introduce the Trebuchet, the feared weapon of the Middle Ages. Before the advent of gun powder this was the serious destroyer of castles and fortresses. The trebuchet is powered exclusively by the power of gravity and well designed machines could hurl a 350 pound projectile at enemy battlements.  

It took about two hours to construct the wooden model. Thereafter we fired missiles over the deck into the back garden- very satisfying. Neighbourhood cats were bemused and neighbours looked  on with awe. 

Beast of Doom

Flaxen Saxon's Christmas Message

Welcome to our home

Tis the magical time of year when all strife ceases and goodwill over flows from the chalice of human kindness. Regardless of creed or religious affiliation folk come together as one and peace reverberates through a land, fecund and verdant. No dissention is heard. Generosity is manifest and smiles are on the lips of everyone as they dance in unmitigated joy. Hark and hear the laughter of small children as they hold hands and frolic with joyous abandon.

This year the Flaxen household will partake of the simple joys of the season. Cosy chats around an oak log fire. Sensible imbibing of egg nog and other alcoholic beverages will ensue. Roasted chestnuts will keep Jack Frost at bay and mistletoe will adorn the high eaves of our humble five bedroom abode.

Choristers will sing, in harmony, at our holly bedecked door. Snow will flurry pristine white upon the land and settle in drifts after a light choreographed scurrying. No tumult: all will be tranquil, sweet accord. Mother nature in tune with Man and Mankind responds in kind- sweet sigh of unrelenting, unsurpassed bliss.   

Merry Christmas to all my gentle readers and may the New Year be bountiful and cast sweetmeats at your sublime countenance. As you have probably guessed, I have already partaken of the Christmas medication. In my dreams the pigs are always winged.

Here are my previous Christmas messages:
Arse
Arse
Arse
Arse

Holey Duvet of Tipton

The Holey Duvet of Tipton supine

Amazing news from the ill famed/fated delightful spa town of Tipton cosily lingering in the vale of the beautiful West Midlands like a fart on a windless day. For it can be revealed, on this day, that the ‘Holey Duvet of Tipton' has been unearthed in the grounds of Mr Khan’s, 'Emporium for all the cheap shitty stuff which normally breaks within three days of purchase'. There is no doubt that the duvet is the original duvet containing the imprint of Reg, The Inebriate's, shell suit (all praise to the relic).

As you will no doubt recall, Reg was returning along the towpath of the Birmingham to Dudley canal after a particularly heavy spiritual (100 proof) session at the temple of imbibing, ‘The Felching Ferret’. Although late at night, Reg was mysteriously guided by a throbbing headache and fell face first into the dark, dank, murky waters of said canal. In Reg’s own words: “Twas an awakening, an epiphany. As my eyes opened I was suddenly confronted with the bloated corpse of the local itinerant, 'Filthy Eric'. I swear I saw a limpid eye open and slowly wink before the gas inflated body bobbed out of sight and explode in a cascade of colour and intestine. In a moment I saw my future revealed. This baptism in the noisome waters of the canal had not only infused a particularly nasty, chronic and extremely pruritic skin condition it had also revealed my inner calling. I was to fondle and lead a sect of acolytes. Only the youngest, fairest and well endowed women would be allowed to partake of the mystery and arcane ceremonies (especially the fondling)."

Upon reaching home, Reg, in a fit of fervour and religious ecstasy, collapsed akimbo upon his bed. On repose Reg fell into a deep reverie and lay prostrate for a full twelve hours on the ‘Holey Duvet of Tipton’ (blessed be, the holey duvet of Tipton). On awakening the ambient light seemed infused with a bright and highly incandescent quality thus turning Reg into a quasi man/god. During the night an ethereal imprint of Reg's beatiferous (not a real word) form had mysteriously became manifest upon the duvet. The stain, if it was a stain, was not of earthly resonance and gave off a strange and unpleasant odour/ordure. A perfect likeness had insinuated upon the polyester fibres as if a gossamer secretion had emanated from Reg's every pore, cavity and orifice.

Reg was so impressed that he immediately discarded the 'Holey Duvet of Tipton' over the wall into the courtyard of Mr Khan's Emporium etc etc. There it lay unmolested and inviolate for 10 years………During a divinely inspired health and safety inspection, Mr Khan found ‘The Holey Duvet of Tipton’ nestling majestically between two dead dogs. Mr Khan immediately recognised the religious artefact for what it was. Poignantly, Reg is no longer with us as he was whisked off and ascended to the gods at the time of the ‘Great Fire of Tipton’ and never seen again. No doubt he watches us mortals as we parade our banal, pitiful lives and bestows beneficence with divine and wanton abandon.

The priceless duvet can be purchased from Mr Khan’s etc, etc for £20.99 or £180.00 for 10. Arse.

Filthy Eric, in repose

Muzzle Brake

Tiger tank sporting muzzle brake

When I was a kid growing up in the quaint and delightful town of Tipton I used to while away the solitary hours constructing 'Airfix' models. I was particularly enamoured with tanks from the Second World War. Each was lovingly crafted, constructed and painted in authentic colours and camouflage. I was particularly fond of the Churchill tank. To be honest it was not a great tank in comparison to German and Russian varieties, although it was a versatile vehicle and appeared in many sterling and gallant variants throughout the war. I suppose I was drawn to this particular British tank because its silhouette resembled my vivid birthmark which sat adjacent to my third nipple. In fact my third nipple looks very much like a 'star shell burst' fired from the barrel of a tank. I digress.  

I confess I was intrigued by a projection which appeared on some, but not all, of the tank's guns. I asked my father, as he was an ex-soldier, about the purpose of the 'nobbly bit' on the end of the barrel. To his credit he professed ignorance and didn't try to impress his son with a manufactured, on the spot, explanation. 

Years rolled by and the mystery of the 'tank appendage' stayed close to my heart and I wished fervently for a resolution. At some stage my interest in girls intervened so the tank thingy went to the back of my mind to be rekindled once the hormone surge had settled down a little. And so the years passed....Then the internet phenomenon burst upon the world like an additional nipple fired from a tank gun. All knowledge was within my sticky and often moist grasp. I quickly learned that the barrel extension was called a muzzle brake. I also learned that the primary function of the muzzle brake was to reduce the recoil of the tank's gun. The 'brakr' was so designed that when the blast gasses escaped from the gun the fins within the break would channel the force sideways therefore counteracting the recoil of a large calibre weapon. Less recoil meant that the turret didn't have too protrude too much at the back. Also it helped with crew comfort as they didn't have to deal with the severe jolt caused by excessive recoil in a constrained turret environment.  

The dispersion of the muzzle gases laterally also helped with visibility after a shot. Without a muzzle brake, the propellant gases would linger in front of the tank obscuring visibility for crucial moments. The muzzle brake dispersed the gases sideways therefore clearing the frontal visual field. But the more I researched the more it became apparent that muzzle brakes were not universally utilised. Many large gunned tanks didn't seem to have a muzzle brake at all. Guessing that omission was there for a good reason (oxymoron) I suspected that muzzle brakes may have confered certain disadvantages. My misgivings were not unfounded. 

Like most things in life muzzle brakes are a mixed blessing, just like extra nipples. A third nipple might be great as a conversational 'ice breaker' at the Christmas party, but they can chafe something awful against a chiffon running vest. After a 10 mile run the friction and pain can become quite exquisite Once again I've regressed. Anyway, the lateral blast from the gun is fine as long as you don't have your own troops in attendance. The side blast is substantial and can kill or disable troops within the blast area. Also the addition of the muzzle brake adds extra length to the gun barrel. In open country this is not much of a problem. However, in city fighting long barrels are an impediment. In the Normandy fighting, Tiger tanks had to demolish buildings in French towns in order to turn corners. Furthermore, redirected blast can stir up dust and dirt thus revealing the tank's position to the enemy. 

Most, if not all, modern battle tanks are bereft of muzzle brakes. Muzzle brakes interfere with modern ammunition rounds. This is especially the case with sabot rounds. Penetrating rod rounds are encased with a self discarding sheath. The presence of a muzzle brake interferes with the sabot breakaway process. Thus tanks fitted with muzzle brakes are unable to use this highly effective anti-tank round. 

So there it is. My boyhood curiosity has now been assuaged and I'm free to ponder fresh conundrums anew. Actually, come to think of it my birthmark is more evocative of an amphibious landing craft, mark IV, E series rather than an unmodified Churchill tank. Mayhap, over the years, it has grown with the telling.

ARSE

Socrates: A very Brief Commentary- UPDATE!

Update 16th December 2016

For reasons which remain inexplicable to me, I left out an essential paragraph in the original composition. I have remedied this amnesic error and have consequently bolstered my piece with the illuminating additional paragraph. This paragraph adds context further supporting the general thrust of my thesis. May the literary gods forgive me, for I shall not forgive myself for this grievous omission.

If you care, it is the paragraph just above the ugly fella. Arse

Socrates, together with Plato and Aristotle, represent the Magnificent Triumvirate and epitome of Ancient Greek Philosophy. Socrates left no scribblings of his own and what we know about his life, philosophy and discourse, is mainly through two of his students, Plato and Xenophon. Plato requires no introduction. Xenophon was a Greek general who successfully led 10,000 Greek troops through the length of the Persian Empire c400BC. No mean feat? Or a stroll through a degenerate, effete empire? You decide.

The Main Sources

The Socrates, as related by both men, is an inconsistent entity on important philosophical issues. Although Xenophon can be relied on with reference to the factual aspects of Socrates' life, his take on Socratic philosophy and political reaction to his teachings should not be taken too seriously. Xenophon may have been a successful general but he was no intellectual. With Plato's account we have a different problem. Plato was well versed with Socrates' philosophical outlook and debating methodology however, in his dialogues where Socrates takes central stage, we are not entirely sure whether we are listening to the original Socrates or Plato's doctrine emanating from a Socratic mouthpiece. Not many men could have invented this ‘Socrates’, but I believe Plato could have. 

A life in Brief

Socrates was born c 470 BC in Athens. When young he served in the Athenian citizen army and acquitted himself bravely on three campaigns during the Peloponnesian war with Sparta. In later life he became an avid debater and applied the dreaded dialectic to his discourse. In the main he was not interested in matters pertaining to the material, physical world. He concerned himself with ethical and moral questions. Thus Socrates enmeshed himself with human concerns: what makes men good? What is truth, justice and happiness? He questioned all existing beliefs and institutions including politics and the prevailing theology. His method was to question his subject by a line of prompts and verbal spurs in order to elicit 'new knowledge'. In this regard he considered himself a midwife- merely drawing forth and giving birth to ideas already latent and innate within the 'vessel'. This of course is not the case. By a series of well designed leading questions Socrates either imposed his point of view or encouraged the 'victim' to engage the topic from a novel direction. It is to be noted that he rarely brings together firm conclusions on the topics he chooses to debate. This is due to the subject matter in hand and shows wisdom. The ultimate questions concerning human nature do not have ultimate fixed answers, unless asked/answered by a prissy pedant with a closed mind. The debate forever remains open. In this regard he has fared better than his contemporary, Plato and near contemporary, Aristotle, in the opinion of modern folk. The speculations of Plato and Aristotle roamed and delved not only into human nature but in matters physical, cosmological and biological- in these subjects they have been subsequently shown to be entirely wrong. However, due to their authority and the uncritical reverence given by those who followed, they indirectly stifled original thought for nearly 1,500 years. What men; what a legacy! But not their fault.

Socrates, due to his philosophical methodology, garnered great respect and great hatred in equal measure amongst the Athenian citizenry. The questioning young, and old, adored him while established politicians, men of substance and respect often felt humiliated by his probing irreverent treatment of their long held cherished notions and beliefs. We have no extant written evidence attributed to the Athenian ferret community. I suspect, on the whole, it would have been positive. But if we are to be intellectually honest, we will really never know. Let us draw an opaque veil over this knotty conundrum and digress, no more.  

As to Socrates appearance: he was not moulded in the Greek Classical concept of beauty; short, squat, stocky and with an agreeable paunch. Even his friends and admirers considered him very ugly. Socrates seemed to care little about his physical appearance and made little effort to defy nature with artificial adornments.

The Athens of the late 390s BC was a politically unstable city. Athens was still reeling from its defeat in the Peloponnesian war. Those who reigned had little time and affection for the likes of Socrates. He was seen as an unsettling influence on the citizenry and especially the young and as a consequence it was considered expedient to have him indicted for impiety (399B). Socrates managed a spirited defence but was condemned nonetheless. Instead of paying a hefty fine and going into exile, Socrates remained unrepentantly defiant and was eventually condemned to death by poison. An account of his last hours, spent with friends, is given in Plato’s Phaedo. During his last hours, Socrates remains serene and continues with his philosophic speculations. Understandably, given the circumstances, Socrates ponders on what becomes of the ‘human essence’ after death. He leans to the view that an afterlife exists in which he will continue his speculations with fellow philosophers. The arguments on which he relies are not convincing to a modern mind and have a naive quality about them. To his credit, Socrates considers the alternative- gentle oblivion. A dreamless sleep which cannot be anything but good.

Who's a pretty boy, den?

The Athenian state of the period was a politically unstable, bubbling cauldron of a city. Athens was still reeling from defeat in the Peloponnesian war. Those who reigned had little time and affection for the likes of Socrates. He was seen as an unsettling influence on an unsettled citizenry, especially the young. As a consequence it was considered expedient to have him indicted for impiety (399 BC). Socrates managed a spirited defence but was condemned nonetheless. Instead of paying a hefty fine and going into exile, Socrates remained unrepentantly defiant and was eventually condemned to death by poison. An account of his last hours, spent with friends, is given in Plato’s , Phaedo . During his last hours, Socrates remains serene and continues with his philosophic speculations. Understandably, given the circumstances, Socrates ponders on what becomes of the ‘human essence’ after death. He decidedly leans to the view that an afterlife exists in which he will continue his speculations with fellow philosophers, for an eternity. The arguments on which he relies are not convincing to a modern mind and have, uncharacteristically, a naive quality about them. By the way, this 'afterlife' only appeals to the unbridled intellectual. Lesser men, crave beer and women, as well. To his credit, Socrates considers the minor alternative- gentle oblivion. A dreamless sleep which cannot be anything, but good.

Socrates, appears as a high minded aesthetic. A man seemingly divorced, as much as anyone can be, from the mundane physical world. A man of honest and towering principles. Although, in public, he confesses to know nothing, the impression we get is that: ‘he protests too much’. I suspect in private ‘he knows it all’. Perhaps I’m being a tad unfair to the 'gadfly', although he does come across as more than a little smug. Indifference in the face of death is laudable. A death he could have easily escaped. However, we would have been more impressed if he had believed oblivion the more likely scenario. In this respect he is reminiscent of the Christian undergoing martyrdom at the hand of the Roman Emperors. Surety of an afterlife inures us from tragedy, in this life, and makes us brave to face the next.....